I guess I am still struggling with overwhelming worry and fear in my life on a daily basis. I want to trust God every moment of the day. What I have been doing is getting so worked up and worried about what my husband is going to say or think when he gets home and see the house is still a mess and that I haven't done what he asked or I know I should. Then for fear of his judgement, I just burst out in anger, not knowing how to communicate what I really want to say which is that I am sorry and that I want to reflect on why I am wasting my time throughout the day, to try to find a solution and stop second guessing every thing to chose to do throughout the day. I think, "No, I shouldn't play with the kids because I need to clean. Ok, what should I clean, should I take things off the walls so Byron can paint because he asked me too or is that me wanting to have control and should I let him. Should I go through and get rid of papers. No, that isn't something my husband will notice or appreciate. He'll say it was a waste of time...." I end up getting hardly anything done and feeling guilty about what I do spend my time on, because it ends up being whatever I feel most motivated to do which is never what my husband thinks needs to be done. I also worry about where the best place is to donate my items. I worry I'll make the wrong choice. I worry that I shouldn't be worrying so much...

I want to trust God and rest in the peace of His promises. I want to seek God's approval in everything I do. When I feel unsure, I want to bring my worries to God right away. I want to feel content knowing I did what God wanted for me to do each day. I am sorry Lord for trying to place my hope, trust, security, and sense of self worth and approval in things other than you God. Please help me lay aside my habit of wanting to seek others' approval, buying things I think will fix all my problems, keeping things and papers for fear of hurting someone's feelings when it actually is hurting our family by keeping them, wanting to be able to plan and control everything... Lord, I want to trust you and your promise that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" -Romans 8:28. Even if/when I fail and others are disappointed in me, I know that you still love me God and are taking care of me.

Matthew 6:25-34New King James Version (NKJV)

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So today I want to daily seek you first in every moment, because I know that is the only way-your way, God. Thank you so much for your AMAZING love!!! Please help me to rest in you love and acceptance and have courage in your guidance as I go forward and do things in your embrace. I praise You God for who you are, what you've done and what You are going to do in my life and the lives of so many others!!! Thank you God!! I love you because you first loved me so please help me show you I love you through obeying you-your ways-which are the best anyway!!!

I want to lay earthly desires and treasures aside. You made the world so beautifully Lord! While beautiful fabrics and papers and designs are attractive to me, help me to remember they are only a reflection of the beauty You created and it will not bring you glory to purchase every item I see which draws my eye. I never thought these verses about giving up riches would apply to me. I see now that by keeping even "free" things such as papers and empty food containers to maybe one day use as crafts and so on has caused me to hold on to those things and place them as more important than God and serving God :(   I am working on giving all my things away/ throwing away to be free of the weight of their presence in my heart and mind. 

Matthew 19 New International Version (NIV)

The Rich and the Kingdom of God

¹⁶ Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
¹⁷ “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
¹⁸ “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, ¹⁹ honor your father and mother,’^[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’^[d]”
²⁰ “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
²¹ Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
²² When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
²³ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. ²⁴ Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
²⁵ When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”
²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
²⁷ Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”
²⁸ Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. ²⁹ And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife^[e] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. ³⁰ But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Also found in Mark 10:

The Rich and the Kingdom of God

¹⁷ As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
¹⁸ “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. ¹⁹ You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’^[d]”
²⁰ “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
²¹ Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
²² At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
²³ Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”
²⁴ The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is^[e] to enter the kingdom of God! ²⁵ It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
²⁶ The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?”
²⁷ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
²⁸ Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!”

²⁹ “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel ³⁰ will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. ³¹ But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

Mark 8
³⁴ And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
³⁵ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.
³⁶ For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

³⁷ Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

I still struggle with what "take up your cross" means, but I think it means from my research, to deny yourself, to be willing to say God's glory is more important than my desires, comforts, wants, and selfishness...


I want and desire and long for my heart to be fixed on Jesus and my treasure to be serving others and sharing the good news and nothing else!!! That's a tall order, but I am convinced there is no other way "to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey" and that is my call to obedience- to be fixed on God'd goal and I want my goal in my heart to be God's- which is to reach out to others in selfless love-to stop being so selfish with my time and money and comparing myself and belongings and experiences to others, but just trust and obey!!!!! Hallelujah!! Praise God!!!!